I'm waaaaay behind, and a lot of life has happened since I last posted. I'm going to try my best to write several "catch up" posts, because I never want to forget anything about this beautiful yet emotionally draining process. :)
Picking up where my last post left off............My home study was scheduled for one day at 11:00 am. I was running around frantically taking care of last minute details before the social worker arrived. I sat down for a second to check my email and found one from her. She regretfully informed me she would have to cancel her visit that day. I was devastated. All of that work and she wasn't even going to come. I was told she would call me in a few days to reschedule. By that time, school was about to start. I was stressed about getting my classroom ready and even though I had yet to hear from my social worker about rescheduling the home study, I honestly didn't have time to worry about it at the moment. I let a couple weeks pass, and I still never heard anything. In the meantime, I began spending time with a little girl that a couple I met in class was fostering. We'll call her "E." She and her husband didn't have the desire to adopt as I do, however, we knew E was likely to be adoptable. The biological parents were doing nothing they'd been asked to be reunified with the child. They didn't have any luck finding a relative placement, so I was praying diligently about adopting her myself once I became licensed. She had many challenges, understandably, from the lack of a structured environment for the last four years. She struggled in school, her grades were terrible, and her behavior was less than desirable, to say the least. I kept her for six days while her foster parents were out of town. I loved it, but let me tell you...it was HARD. She came to me with lice. Friends, I almost lost myself that day. Lice was/is actually one of, if not my biggest fear in this process. I wasn't concerned with how to parent a child or dealing with their family, I was concerned about lice. I guess God decided I needed to go ahead and deal with that one immediately. We treated her and thank goodness, she was clear the rest of the time I had her. She cried when I dropped her off to meet the bus. One morning, I almost had to shove her onto the bus because I didn't think she was going to let go of me. Talk about heart-wrenching. She called me mom around the second day (sigh). It was a crazy exhausting yet fulfilling experience. It was an experience that left me a little confused about what the best thing would be as far as adopting her, though. She deserved someone to fight for her. She deserved someone to walk through the "mess" with her. But, I'm alone. Do I want to sign myself up for a lifetime of stress and anxiety due to the extra needs she may have growing up? I wasn't sure. I continued to spend time with her as I prayed for guidance in what to do. I was told the termination of her parents' rights would begin soon, and on October 27, she would be cleared to move in with me. (In the meantime, I was told my social worker could no longer take my case due to a family emergency. So, I was assigned a new one, and the home study process had to start all over. I finally became licensed at the end of August/early September.) I continued spending time with E about once a week and continued to pray about what decision to make as far as this little girl goes. As the end of October was approaching, I found out her parents were informed of the plan to terminate their rights. They then began doing as little as possible to keep that from happening. They still weren't complying with the instructions given to them by DHR, but they did enough to maintain communication with E. The October 27 date was pushed back. After emailing E's social worker, I was basically told (in my own words) that if E would become adoptable, it could be a long time before that happens. She told me her parents' attorney would fight it, and she seemed as if she didn't completely discount the possibility of E going back to them. I knew then that I shouldn't continue to put all my eggs in that one basket. By this time I could have gotten another placement, but I put that on hold in hopes things would work out with E. I was tormented by the decision of whether to adopt her or not anyway, and a wise friend told me, "Amy, this is torturing you. Stop trying to decide what you're going to do and start seeking peace. God will make your decision clear when the time comes." I knew I had to move forward. I wasn't giving up completely on E, but I decided to be open to the possibility of other placements while I waited for God to move in her situation. Just hours later, I got a call asking if I'd be willing to take a four year old little girl in need of a home. I said yes.
To be continued...
